№ 25.

I learned every cell in our entire body 

is replaced every seven years

How lovely it is to know that I have a body

you haven't touched.

having parents that were really angry, petty and abusive when you were young is weird, because it makes part of you grow up to want to be kind, to generate good things, to be a source of peace and wellbeing for others; but it makes another part of you grow up to be quick, sharp and spiteful and that's always the part that shows itself first in a hard situation, so it's a struggle  between your hateful gut reactions and your wish to not add anymore misery to the world. It's a hard balance, and the people who really, really know me - I know they see that angry flash in my eyes before I quiet it, if I quiet it...I want to overcome years of conditioning, and with gentle, constant force, I know I'll mellow it. I guess it's just taking longer than expected.

"If you find yourself constantly trying to prove your worth to someone, 

you have already forgotten

your value."

To everything I've ever lost;

Thank you for setting me free.

-faraway

Consider for a moment that what you call your “personality” is actually just a composite of habits and behavioural patterns you developed to cope with trauma. Now ask yourself, who am I passed this pain? Who would I be if I stopped living life as a product 

Then there are the clearly marked lines. The ones that if you dare cross you may never find

your way back.

He broke up with me for good that year. It was devastating emotionally, the whole situation with him fucked me up, I won't lie, and so I made a decision that I'd be the one fucking people over. I like to be in control. I like to be in the driver's seat. It's very empowering, especially with what happened in my first relationship and with how I grew up. As soon as I could sneak out and lie to do what I wanted and not get in trouble with my parents, I was there. I'm a great liar. I guess it's nothing to be proud of, but I'm telling you it's a good skill to have.
I've had '5' serious relationships. (But only some have made a difference in my life) (D,M,L) The boyfriends one and two were good guys. I met number one in our local, while still in a relationship. Before him, I was doing what and who I wanted. Living my best life, one-night stands, experimenting. But I met him and fell in hard, and that freaked me out. I could feel myself falling in love, so I started seeing things where there wasn't anything to see. I began to focus on the supposed lack of communication: if he didn't reply to texts within a certain timeframe or didn't tell me he was going out with his friends, I used that as an excuse to cheat on him. But worry about it , he got his own back. 

 2 I still can't talk about it till this day. I think I might be a commitment-phobe, just slightly. At one point in every relationship there was this feeling of 'I really love and care for this person', but then I sort of panic and get worked up. I feel my resolve slipping, the walls I built falling, the control that I need loosing its grip – but that's the thing with love: you can't control it. So then I start conjuring up feelings of loneliness or feeling misunderstood. Sometimes, though, the sex is shit, or I'm not getting enough of it. That excuse isn't made up. I should tell them, shouldn't I? Or break up with them. I don't know why I don't; I should ask a therapist. But when you grow attached to someone, when you grow used to someone, you just hope things get better in the future – but it's not the case, really.

— Vice

 

So many years of education yet nobody taught us how to love ourselves.

Feels like I hallucinated this entire year.

"don't mistake

salt for sugar

if he wants to

be with you

he will

it's that simple."

— Rupi Kaur, Milk & Honey

I've always been 'deep'.

I look too far into something

or someone because I realised from

a young age that there is always

more than what meets the eye.

Someone I used to date would always say "you never have to do today again" after a bad day and honestly that would help. You did today. Good job, it wasn't easy. Tomorrow may not be easy either, but at least it won't be today

— Highbydabeach

HOW TO BE HAPPY

RULE 03030

decide every morning 

that you are in a good mood.

The best advice I could ever give is to avoid reacting to every mood you experience.. to recognise that yes, feelings are important and useful but often temporary..to never let yourself be guided solely by emotion..do not ride the ups and downs of your heart.

December is a month of closure, we are heading these long drawn out cycles and taking inner time to rest, find new clarity and focus on healing. Really use the energy of December to your advantage, appreciate the down time. January has two eclipses and will be action packed.

Your mouth can block your blessings. Know when to shut up.

Try not to beat yourself up over past mistakes and experiences. You've learned the lesson, you are wiser, no need to suffer any longer.

"I wasn't trying to wreck Candy's life. I was trying to make mine better."

— Candy - Neil Armstrong